Teri Arline Donaho
September 15, 1952-June 2, 2017
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| My Mom's High School Picture |
Sometimes, we have to take a chance, rely on faith and allow yourself to be
vulnerable to better ourselves, others and maybe, just maybe the world. Well
this is one of those times for me. I learned the value of taking those chances
and relying on faith from one of my heroes, my mom. The following story is
dedicated to her, Teri Arlene Donaho, and to let her know and remind her that
she has made that difference in me, others and now in you.
I can still remember at the age of 6 being awakened in the middle of the night
to watch The Beatles movie, Yellow Submarine, with my mom. It was a bizarre
movie, which I speculate required some LSD to truly understand. Afterwards,
she explained some of the meanings and innuendos contained in it. Not the
typical conversation most kids had with their parents at that age. We had
quite a unique relationship. I grew up in Austin, what I considered at the time
a “hippie” town and my mom very much fit into that category.
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| Mom and Dad about the time they met, they got married a couple of weeks later |
After I lost my dad to suicide at a very young age, my mom took on the role of
both parents. I didn’t understand it at the time but years later, I grew to understand
the fears and demons she battled trying to make sure my brother and I were ok.
I know she feared that we would feel shame or resentment over the loss of my
father, so for many years she would come to my bedroom and tell me a story
about my dad. Usually about one of his many athletic accomplishments, academic
achievements, his determination and the pride and love he had for my brother and I.
In a way she helped to allow me to create the perfect father in my head, one that I
would not want to disappoint.
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| Mom and Dad |
good guys and some that were not so great. I was pretty easy going and didn’t mind
as long as they were good to my mom. If they weren’t, they would have to deal with
her protectors, my brother and I…we were hell on wheels, just ask my mom. I watched
her work so hard, battle addiction and take on other people’s problems and she still had
the ability to show love to others without judgment and always put herself last. I knew
she was in pain and desperately wanted to save her. When I was little, around 4
years old, she would tell me stories and often begin to cry so I would tell her, “momma,
I am gonna build you a spaceship and take you away.” It was around that same age that
my mom got arrested for possession/manufacture of pot. Not just a few plants mind you,
oh no, when she did something big, she went all in! It was a professionally built, irrigated,
temperature controlled greenhouse that housed over 1,000 pot plants!!!! Not bad for 1977, huh?
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| Mom, big bro, and I...I am the little guy on the left |
The day she got busted in Lampasas, Tx they surrounded our house and kicked in
our doors and raided the house. Quite an experience for a 4 year old. I watched as she
was taken away in handcuffs. The court case dragged on for many years and as my
brother and I got older we realized our mom may get sent away for a long time and that
we might end up in an orphanage. We promised if that happened, we would
escape and live on our own. Fortunately it never came to that, the court decided
in her favor and the worst was behind us! Or so we thought.
The next few years were pretty stable and then through a series of events we
found ourselves on our own again struggling and eventually homeless. One thing I
learned from my mom was if ya want something in life, ya gotta work for it. So I began
to hustle and started working at the age of 11. Mowing lawns, cleaning lots for gas
stations, working at construction sites throwing out trash, helping build fences and any
other odd job I could find. In the summer of 1984 I saved up $150 to buy a bad-ass bike,
a Laser 1000. That was a lot of money back then! I’m still pissed it was stolen. From
that age on, if I needed something, I bought it, that included my own clothes and food.
Taking care of myself was easy, trying to take care of my mom was the tricky party.
Soon we found ourselves living in campsites at Bull Creek in Austin. Everyday was
an adventure. Finding food was pretty easy. One day it might be snake, crawdaddys
or duck and another it would be free food from a food bank. There would be stretches
where I wouldn’t see my mom for days at a time. She would do what she had to get
some money and place for us to stay for a while. I can still remember the shock of
sleeping in a house with air conditioner! Ahhhhh, the little things!
It was quite a roller coaster at times. We went from living a very comfortable lifestyle
to getting our food of dumpsters and waiting in lines to get handouts. My mom
would always tell me that everything happens for a reason and that God has a plan for each
of us, we just gotta listen. She also taught me that every person is special, worthy to
be loved and that we mustn’t let our hardships define us but allow how we overcome
those hardships to be our defining moments. These were important lessons and ones
that I would remind myself of on a regular basis. I still remember how often folks
would judge me, either at school or in public, and how that would make me feel.
It was pretty obvious that we didn’t have the nicest clothes or material things. All that
did was motivate me to work harder to prove everyone wrong, and occasionally get
in a fight here or there. One thing my mom cultivated in me is a sense of pride and
dignity and to respect others, which helped me get through some trying times.
When I think back to those times, I remember that I was always happy and believed
that if I worked hard enough, things would get better and they eventually did.
At 16, I was on my own working full time and going to high school. I didn’t have
a lot of friends in high school because it was difficult to relate. While most kids were
complaining about not getting the latest shoes, I was trying to pay bills and get
groceries. Growing up the way I did taught me a lot but it also left a few scars.
I found myself always searching for the next challenge to overcome, adventure, never
backing down and always trying to be the best at everything. A little bit of an
over-achiever, mixed with a dash of “everything is a competition” and a sprinkle of OCD.
This might explain some of my decisions in life and why I was drawn to the military
and a career in law enforcement.
As a result, I drifted from some of the very important things my mom taught me.
First of all, learn to appreciate the little things and have faith that God will always
provide. We don’t have to have best of everything and things don’t have to be perfect for
us to be happy. We just have to learn how to appreciate. Second, everyone is
special and has a purpose. We all have a story to tell and we can all learn something
from one another. Competition can be a good thing but it can also work to separate us.
When this happens, the seeds of shame and isolation are planted breeding fear and
insecurity. Learn to forgive and practice empathy, learn to see things
through the eyes of others and they will learn to see through yours.
It took me along time to really understand the value and impact of what my mom
was always trying to teach me and that it was okay to let down my guard. I now
know what my purpose is and, through what can only be a miracle from God, have
been given the opportunities and ability to do pursue it. My purpose is simple; I am
here to fight the good fight, share my story with others and to leave this world a
better place then when I found it. By taking the time to appreciate what is around us,
allowing ourselves to be a little more vulnerable and ignore the fear of what others might
say or do, we are able to follow our hearts, be happy and connect with and inspire
others so that they may do the same. There will always be nay-sayers and
critics…believe me, I have met might quite a few…but remember, they do what they
do out of their own fears.
Now married with a family, a great career and the opportunity to connect with
and inspire others I am living the dream. When I think back on my past, it seems
surreal but I wouldn’t change a thing. My hope is that I set an example for my kids
and that this story connects with just one of you who are reading this. I believe that
by opening up and sharing my story and some of the lessons I have learned, it will
help others in some way and even inspire someone else to do the same. And to
my mom, know that you have made a difference in me and now in others. If you
were to talk to her she would likely say "bless your heart" or something crazy like
"hot diggity," "dadgummit" or "I'll be a monkey's uncle!" And, finally, to you, the
reader, like my mom used to say, you are special and have a purpose. Just take a
chance, know its ok to be vulnerable and have the faith to follow your heart and
maybe, just maybe together we can make a better world. :)
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| Mom, with some of the grandkids and I a few years ago |
Thanks mom, I love you. I didn't get to build ya that spaceship, but maybe
someone reading this will!
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